I’ve been getting awfully tired of reading articles telling me how I should try to understand the Trump voter.

First off, when your platform is to take away my rights or run me out of the country, you don’t get to put the onus on me to bridge the divide. You don’t get to announce that you plan to hurt people, and then wonder why they don’t want to do the work to heal it.

But you know, they aren’t all racists, they’ve got all these other complicated reasons for voting Trump that I just wouldn’t understand because, apparently, I’m a COASTAL ELITE! I mean, I grew up in Riverside which is about 100 miles from a coast and which also happens to have a large white supremacist population and a huge amount of meth production- It was originally considered for the location of Breaking Bad, but they went with New Mexico instead for the scenic beauty, because Riverside doesn’t even have that going for it. But you know, Riverside is inside of California, so I’m all coastal and shit I guess. I also grew up pretty damn poor and have less than a year of Community College as far as higher education goes, but I read a book once in a while, so I’m totally elite. I just don’t understand why some people can’t be bothered to inform themselves about what they’re voting on, due to how I’m coastal and all.

But let’s assume for a minute that racism has nothing to do with it, and look at all the other reasons these downtrodden white dudes had for voting Trump… They’re struggling and stuff! And you know, Trump is totally going to magically reopen all the coal mines and also the Blockbuster Video locations near their houses, and they’ll get to blissfully live with their sisterwives in the 19th Century in perpetuity! Honestly, how stupid do you have to be to look at this guy that inherited a fortune and has never really had to work a day in his life, and see some kind of champion for the little guy? Do they honestly think he’s gonna “drain the swamp” when we know he’s friends with every crocodile in it? I mean, “stupid” isn’t covering it, we need to invent new words for these people if that’s what they actually believe.

But you know, a lot of them didn’t even get as far as liking his economic policy or something (since he doesn’t have one). Asked why they voted for Trump, many people said simply that they wanted “change”. Not any particular kind of change, just that we had the blue guy as President and something bad happened to them, so now they’re voting for the red guy instead. The “I want a change (Because my diaper is full!)” voter applied to matters of national importance the same thought process as an infant with a stomach ache that throws her Cheerios against the wall as though they caused her flu.

And what is it that went wrong that they want to change? They feel like they’ve been ignored. Who could they feel is getting attention instead of them, I wonder? People different from them in some way… Could it be… People of a different… Race, maybe? Nah, couldn’t be, I’m just generalizing.